Log in

No account? Create an account
Mozenrath's Phenomenally Cosmic Journal

> recent entries
> calendar
> friends
> profile

Thursday, July 23rd, 2009
11:16 pm - Just because I'm quiet doesn't mean I'm not plotting something.
Let it be said that mamluks are TERRIBLE cooks.  I really need to get on hiring some non-undead staff around here, at least for tasks that require taste.

The other day I was in the mood for something a bit different. You know, maybe something like sushi—I mean, do you have any idea how hard it is to get your hands on sushi when you live in the middle of the desert? it's hard! trust me!—but Xerxes started wailing when he saw the uni, and well, you guys know how Xerxes gets. Totally inconsolable. I really should just kill the pest, shouldn't I?

I tossed him against a wall to get him to shut up but then he just slithered away hissing something like "Mozenrath MEAN!" and oh, by then I had lost my appetite anyway...

current mood: aggravated

1 ixtala * ixtabor!

Saturday, November 22nd, 2003
12:35 am - Temporary fixes
EDIT -- mozeketeers Another place to worship my Greatness!


My true voice is still gone, but luckily, after offing a few Mamluks to make myself feel better (which it always does), I recalled a spell to create a new voice. It's not nearly as good as the old one, unfortunately, but it will have to do for now. If I have no voice how will I lash out my always-witty remarks at pesky street rats? It'd be impossible, I tell you, so the temporary fix works just fine.

Now, I was doing a little "web surfing" as of late. I am a little out of touch with the new stuff, you see. I went to the official Aladdin website (ugh! I feel dirty) and found this picture, featuring my glorious self:

But, I ask you, is that not THE most unflattering picture of me you have ever seen? (I am no longer displaying this image in the entry as it is a rather hideous and large image. Yes yes, you may thank me in the form of proliferous comments to this post.)

But now this...this is excellent. The next cover of the "Hottest Sorcerer of the Year" magazine special in "Undead People," I tell you. (I'll beat undead sorcerer Johnny Depp without any doubt!)

And surprise surprise, my greatness is now being compared to that of heartthrob-of-the-day *yawn* Captain Jack Sparrow. Well, I know he'll be forgotten in a month, while I shall remain a favorite.

I also have plans. Big plans, people--er, minions.

Namely: to resurrect a new army!

All of you who have added my journal as a friend will now be let in on a big secret: I've drafted you as dead/undead minions. (If you're not dead or undead yet, don't worry, you soon shall be. Or, report to Xerxes and we'll straighten out the paperwork.)
And ....guess what my cute little minions! Together we'll conquer the seven deserts =}

More details to come. For now, I must go pester Aladdin/Jasmine fans on various Livejournal communities. It's fun to see them get all agitated!

-- Update!
I just made a bit of a round on all my minions' journals and commented. Show Mozie some love!

current mood: devious

19 ixtalas * ixtabor!

Wednesday, November 19th, 2003
8:47 pm - permanent laringitis
On November 12, I lost my voice.

... and I don't think there's a spell in all of the sorcery books in all the world that will get it back for me.

current mood: depressed

3 ixtalas * ixtabor!

Thursday, August 21st, 2003
12:51 am - Verbosity
I know you all just can't get enough of me, so I don't expect any complaining with a second post in a day. There's plenty of me to go around, let's all just take turns to enjoy my extreme awesomeness.

But the point of this post was this website I was pointed to:

I approve of this:

But especially this:

Yes, I am, aren't I?

If anyone else wants to pay homage to my painfully obvious greatness, please reply with a link so everyone can bask in the glory that is, well, me!

current mood: evil yet approving

1 ixtala * ixtabor!

12:38 am - Subject? Who needs a subject when you have ravenous undead-flesh-eating Black Quicksand??
THE Ultimate cure for a bad mood:
  • Assemble all your Mamluks* under your palace balcony.

  • Upon your arrival, instantly liquify a few here and there.

  • Watch the pandemonium as the survivors run in terror.

  • Then, turn the Black Sand under the Mamluks' feet into ravenous undead-flesh-eating Black Quicksand.

Bonus points can be earned by doing any or (preferably) all of the following:
  • Tossing Xerxes into the terrified crowd for added effect is completely optional — but excruciatingly funny.

  • Sing (either to yourself or to the panicked crowed) an amusing song that further increases the fun of the prank. Personal favorites:

  •     After the Fire's "Der Kommissar"
        Cypress Hill's "Insane in the Membrane"
        Prodigy's "Firestarter"

Xerxes recommended Moloko's "Fun For Me"... and so that's when I threw him into the Black Quicksand pit.

Oh, so hilarious.

*You need to have an endless supply of Mamluks to properly pull this one. If you have a limited quantity, you lose precious fodder to throw at any nosy, annoying, intruding Street Rats.

current mood: devious

1 ixtala * ixtabor!

Saturday, July 26th, 2003
11:19 pm - Musings
Has anyone else ever noticed that the cacophonic (feline!*) caterwaulings that often serenade us in the warmer evenings strongly resemble the muffled cries of a certain street rat having his nose slowly twisted off his stupid DIRTY FACE??!?!??!

Well, at least I've caught the similarity. Of course, it's not much of a stretch to imagine that, well, the rest of you aren't nearly phenomenal enough to know what I mean, but I guess you'll just have to take my word for it now won't you? Yes yes.

* I added the feline aside just in case you were thinking the caterwauls were coming from female humans in heat instead of female cats in heat. The level of intelligence in both parties is the same, however.

... By the way, I'm back.

current mood: evil, and yet so sublime

2 ixtalas * ixtabor!

Thursday, February 20th, 2003
11:43 pm
As likely as it may have *seemed* that (perchance) I was bored and decided to have a little fun with Livejournal, I *assure* you I was most definitely not the cause of the DOS attack. Computer sorcery is so not my style... if I wanted to wreak havoc on the internet (a targey so unworthy of me) I'd just make all the servers literally explode in a colorful, fiery ball of magic. Perhaps not extremely creative on my part, but I think it just looks better, don't you agree?

This is exactly why I haven't just chucked an enormous fireball at all of Agrabah and eliminated all my problems in an instant. There's no.... grace in just obliterating the brat and the princess in a fiery death. It'd also be immensely stupid to turn the city to dust since I want to *rule* it and whatnot.

The Citadel
666 Pleasant Avenue
Land of the Black Sand, SEVEN DESERTS
mobile: (666) 135 - 7824
email: ilovepuppies_fordinner@yahoo.com

* Self-taught

* Obtained magical flesh-eating, spirit-draining Gauntlet
* Overthrew Destane
* Captured Genie of Agrabah, recieved powers, became semi-phenomenal almost cosmic
* Thwarted overly-cunning street rat, regularly
* Seized throne of Agrabah, repeatedly
* Caused a DOS attack on livejournal.com by flooding the servers from a thousand-point host attack?

* Upon request. They're all bumbling, un-dead, and mute as far as I can tell.

My resume may be a ~little~ exaggerated.... but let's just keep that our little secret, shall we? A little harmless embellishment never harmed anyone (and no, I supposed I learned nothing from the street rat).

current mood: very evil, but beaten by a nerd

2 ixtalas * ixtabor!

Wednesday, February 19th, 2003
6:31 pm
Today I decided to investigate if Xerxes itself has a journal, to see what interesting secrets about yours truly he was expulging to the general public. To my surprise, I found this cretin to be inhabiting his domain. (No, not him.)

Now, to the matter of Disney on Ice. Sigh. Now, I'm not a fan of prancing around in front of thousands of children, singing and dancing, but if there's one way to convert an entire future generation of children (and their swooning mothers) into a horde of devotees, it's through ice skating. Although, I can't imagine a me-lookalike smiling and waving his (possibly her!) arms high in the air, with one leg lifted in a rather painful position..... no, it's not worth sacrificing my pride for the sake of world domination. There are other ways....

I'm bored. Someone ask me something. (You can contact me on AIM at m0zenr4th, I leave my computer in my alchemy chambers on for a long part of the day.) If you're exceptionally intelligent, I may make you a minion (undead or otherwise!)

current mood: evil

1 ixtala * ixtabor!

Tuesday, February 18th, 2003
10:22 pm - Was there ever any doubt?
I deserve my own show!

current mood: evil

2 ixtalas * ixtabor!

6:12 pm - Wreaking my wonderful havoc on East-Coast America
Little does the world know, but controlling weather is just one of my inummerably awesome powers. How else do you think the weather in Black Sands is always dark, dreary, and otherwise wonderful? I mean, how often are deserts kingdoms overcast?
(By the way, it's so much fun watching people squirm under feet and feet of the dreadful White Stuff!)

And look! It's me in all my animated glory. I love it!! I approve of this kind of idolatry. Really, I do. Xerxes hates this one. Foolish Xerxes. There needs to be a movie of me strangling him so I don't have to keep doing it myself, it gets tiresome. He's just that stupid.
((I would direct link these wonderful tributes to my wonderful self, but even I'm not that evil.))

Note to self: Stop putting hands on hips while gloating about awesomeness; it detracts from the effectiveness of such.

Oh, by the way, I now have AIM. I decided on the obvious screen name: m0zenr4th.
(Some morons stole my screen name so I had to make it all h4x0r. Yes, I know h4x0r.)

Tomorrow's quip: Disney on Ice, and my rather obvious lack-of-presence (obvious because of Disney on Ice's lack-of-awesomeness)

current mood: evil, proud, and awesome

9 ixtalas * ixtabor!

Monday, February 17th, 2003
4:42 pm - kicking back in the Black Sand-crib with a cold one and a good laugh
I've been posting in several communities today regarding any sign of an Aladdin DVD. Why, you may be asking your foolish self, would I, Mozenrath, Lord of the Black Sands, want a DVD of that putrid Aladdin? ...

....Because laughing at that pathetic Jafar is almost as amusing as blasting the princess with raw unheeded dark powers. Almost, but not quite.

And on a related note, I've heard many a foolish commoner rumor that I was supposed to be in the final Aladdin movie (after all, I am far more interesting than that flea-farm's Sean Connery-like father). The thought interested me at first, but then I realized I might have been made to sing. I believe this was what caused Jafar's downfall: a good villain DOES NOT SING.

current mood: raw, unheeded, and dark

7 ixtalas * ixtabor!

12:58 am - i'm here.
You thought once the Disney Afternoon was gone, I would fade away in my Citadel, attempting world domination, all quiet and forgotten.

....All the while, little children suffered through the likes of Pokemon.
Coincidence, you foolish heathens? Of course not. I have returned, and most wonderfully that street rat and his royal pain have not (Alas, at least until the DVD.)

I am searching for a new crop of mortals to convert into my new mamluk army. Resumes are accepted, but completely not necessary. Oh, by the way, I am an equal-opportunity employer.

current mood: evil


> top of page